Mistress Zaynab's
Diary
Thursday, September 20, 2007
away for a bit, and a musing.
Hello My dearest pets,
Mistress will be away until the beginning of October doing film shoots and attending a film festival. I do have a brief window of one day when I will be home late next week and may be able to fit in a session. Aside from that, feel free to plan ahead. My schedule is filling up for the first week of October, but I am available on October 4, and several days during the following week.
I am beginning to feel a bit better about things.
After a long conversation with My most loyal servants, I have decided to write briefly about commitment and integrity. Often, I think men need some instruction in this area. First of all, I prefer it if I am not led to believe one thing and then disappointed. As a Domme, I have this problem often. A slave will so want to please Me that they will agree to something, and then as the time to act on that agreement approaches, the slave backs away. I have had this happen in regard to certain specific events. For example, My chauffeur agreed for more than a month that he would drive Me on a road trip to a city about one day's journey from here. Each time I saw him he said , "Absolutely no problem, Mistress." He looked forward to our stops along the way for semi-public sessions of trampling. Days before the trip he disappeared off the face of the planet, unreachable by e-mail, or phone. The day after I was supposed to leave, he wrote to apologize. I, of course, had already replaced him, after having to shift My entire month's plans just to deal with his ineptitude.
This prompted My post about communicating when you are unable to keep a promise. Far better to own up to your limitations than run and hide.
That is the worst case. Other cases have been disappointing as well, in different ways. Take for example the multitude of slaves who speak longingly about wanting to become My property. They kneel and beg to be considered as a member of My stable. They seem so sincere. They make it through the entire period of probation and perform well. They are eager and obedient. They get to know My likes and dislikes, and learn to anticipate My wants. They tell Me how good they feel serving Me, and write e-mail after e-mail telling Me how they want to belong to Me. And then, almost as suddenly as they appeared, they disappear. They cancel a session, then another. Then they disappear altogether. Some are good enough to write and explain that they've had a change of heart. Others cut and run. It always happens shortly before their initiation date. It is dismaying.
Now, I understand that initiation can be nerve wracking. Remember, I went through an initiation Myself to become the Priestess of My Order. And so I posed the question to those slaves most loyal to Me, who have been around for some time and never flinched in the face of doing anything to best serve Me. Why do these potential slaves run?
The consensus is that they are commitment-phobic for one reason or another. They love the idea of it, but cannot follow through because of their own fears and perhaps baggage from the past. They wished for a Mistress to own them completely, and when they found Her, they cannot believe themselves either ready or worthy for such a position.
Now I could be a more manipulative Woman. However, I only want to be served by the willing. Beyond willing - I like My slaves to be enthusiastically devoted. I do My part to cultivate such relationships.
So here is My demand. Those who approach Me, do not be too quick to offer yourself as a potential long term servant in My stable. Check yourself. Is it really something you want to pursue or is it best left a fantasy? I will see regular slaves on an on-going basis WITHOUT the intention of working toward their initiation. I have no problem with leaving things open ended. So if I ask you if you wish to be owned by Me, be honest with yourself. And if you are not ready, then say "I am not ready." I will not take offense. What I will take offense to is another in a line of potential servants who flee at the last second.
I am not just a "model with a whip" as they say. I take these things seriously. Perhpas that in itself is frightening. Perhaps that makes Me different than other Dommes. Like all Women I seek financial security, and like most Dominant Women, I seek luxury. But that is not my raison d'être. I thoroughly enjoy ruling. I cannot be at peace without being pampered and having every whim indulged. I expect a lot from life, beyond that which money can buy. I create My own reality, and allow in only those who adhere to it.
What I offer to you is Myself as Idol. In return for your devotion, I respond with aid in your time of need, and with pleasurable celebrations of life. I provide ritual and structure. I am the sacred space away from the every day world.
Come to Me, but know yourself. Know in what manner you are prepared to serve. And if I am pleased with you and you wish to give yourself completely, then do so completely. If you are uncertain, then give it time and make no promises. Train with Me and learn and wait to see where you stand. Remember the threefold law. The sadness and disappointment you generate in another will return to you threefold. So strive to be clear and aware of yourself, your abilities, and your limitations. Even slaves must have integrity - the best have it in spades.
Be well, and I hope to see you (both the committed and the noncommittal) upon My return.
MZ
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Mistress Zaynab shares her experiences, thoughts,
and musings.
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