Mistress Zaynab's
Diary
Friday, June 05, 2009
writing away
Hello My sweet perverts. Be prepared for a long and rambling post about My life, money and the creative impulse that saves Me from losing My mind. Nothing titillating here. I just needed a place to breathe.
I have returned from the South refreshed. I was up until 5:00am writing. I am currently finishing a proposal for a VERY important arts grant that is coincidentally and tangentially related to My life as a Domme. It is making me so excited to write again! I can't stop! My life as a Arts Writer may very well be about to blossom.
I am feeling surprisingly happy given that things are in chaos for Me right now. I will probably have to move out of My lovely downtown loft in favor of smaller and cheaper digs this summer. I don't like to reveal too much about My personal affairs, but this economy is certainly taking a toll on your Mistress. I've been here before, so it doesn't bother Me too much. I always spring back with a vengeance. Luxury comes and goes when your livelihood is dependent on the expendable income of a small but dedicated segment of society. I'm a Libra, fluctuating between lush decadence and bohemian poverty is quite natural for Me (if only I could learn to store my nuts for the long winters).
There's always the option of leaving Chicago for more a more lucrative playground should I have to do so. But I do so care for My current stable of slaves. I wonder why it is that My slaves tend to be incredibly generous but never rich. But the rich slaves are never ever generous, are they? This is the American way. The more money one has the more selfish one becomes with it. Where $2000 could be a complete lifesaver for Me (and no matter what anyone says to the contrary, I DO deserve it), it is a drop in the bucket for others. But those others hang onto as if somehow their lives depend upon it.
Every once in a while Mistress entertains the idea of changing careers. Perhaps I need to put to use that good Masters Degree. I do have a career as a filmmaker and producer, but most of the money I raise goes straight into production leaving very little to pay for My services. That is why I made my more prurient interests into My occupation in the first place (aside from the pure joy of having multiple men at My feet, of course).
By the way, my newest script is about to be produced and may feature a very well known porn star (as a hint, her name begins with "K"). More about that later.
I am self-conscious about posting My woes here. Afterall, some think a Domme should remain aloof and never ever appear needy. But how is anyone supposed to help if one never asks for it, yes? Is it not a strength to admit one's struggles? And money is only one of many of the struggles of a Woman living in this world. I am the guru and I know well how to advise My slaves in their emotional lives. But sometimes I think I need a guru of My own to keep My careers and goals on track.
Now I shall turn to the positive aspects of My world. I have recently been successful at keeping up a steady work-out regime. I am weaning Myself from My favorite sugary drink and eating extremely well. I take vitamins. I don't smoke, drink, eat red meat or dairy, or do anything to put My health in jeopardy (though I couldn't seem to keep the flu viruses at bay this winter).I have a spotless bill of health from my doctor, and surprise of all surprises I've managed to maintain health insurance even as My income took a nosedive (because of layoffs among the men in My world). I brought my credit card interests down, and stopped being frivolous with those. The upside of having to become suddenly frugal is that it's given me a realistic look at my overall financial health and motivated me to improve it.
And above all else, I'm writing! I'm writing again and I love it. It has been three years since I was last published and I miss it! In the 1940s, desperate for money, Anais Nin wrote erotica for a private collector. I wonder if such a collector exists here today? And with the prevalence of free erotica all over the web who would support a Women merely for Her words alone? How much the world has changed, hasn't it?
I look back at my childhood aspirations and wonder why I am drawn to the work that never makes one financially secure? Artists, writers... known for starving with a few exceptions. Ah well, I shall not complain. There are far worse things than being broke. And and I still carry myself as if I have money. It's not a difficult illusion to maintain if you're creative enough. You know what they say: To draw money, one should behave as if one already has money. I was born dirt poor and I've been faking My way into a better life ever since. The appearance of poverty is easily cured with a fine education and careful and calculated observation of those on the other side of the tracks. Yes, dears, just call Me Eliza Dolittle: perpetually the Countess with the heart and spirit of a guttersnipe.
I've said to much. Remind Me that you adore Me, sweet subbies. Mistress needs a boost, and this is your opportunity to be useful.
MZ
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Mistress Zaynab shares her experiences, thoughts,
and musings.
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